[A reader’s story, by Via Abolencia]
As someone who lives with anxiety and panic attacks, I’ve learned that there’s power in unearthing the pains of the past and making peace with them, but more importantly I know that there is no quick fix for mental health. I’ve received advice like, “Just put that out of your mind”, “You shouldn’t think that way” or “Don’t worry about it”. As well-intentioned as these pieces of advice were, they were too generic and required too much of my own mental willpower to be helpful.
It’s hard to just think my way out of anxiety when the problem was how I was thinking.
So instead of going up against my anxious thoughts unprepared and feeling overwhelmed, I tried taking small steps in order to chip away at my anxiety. Here are some of the things I’ve put into practice and have worked for me.
1. GIVE YOUR STRESS A NON-THREATENING NAME
During panic attacks, it was difficult for me to speak in sentences and explain what was going on internally. But I could usually manage to say a word or two, or spurt out a phrase.
I decided to come up with an easy-to-say code word to let others know when I was starting to get anxious. I had built up my anxiety to be this big overwhelming thing, and I wanted to take control back by calling it something that discredited it and made it seem silly.
So, I called it “Peanut”.
Naming your anxiety something non-threatening can help you break free of your negative thought spiral. In one episode of anxiety, I whimpered, “Peanut is here.” And my partner said, “God dammit, Peanut.”
This gave me an opportunity to laugh at what my partner said. Our laughter gave me a chance to snap back into a less anxious state, and eventually stop feeling anxious entirely.
It gave me a chance to break free.
This is what naming your anxiety something that makes it seem less scary gives you: a moment of clarity that separates your anxiety from yourself so that you can make the tiny decision to break free.
2. DERAIL YOUR NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
How many times have these questions crossed your mind?
- “Am I good enough?”
- “Am I smart enough to do this?”
- “Do I even know what I’m doing?”
Does this sound like you?
The key here is not to repeat these self-defeating thoughts until you’ve psyched yourself out. Getting yourself into a big emotional and mental fuss only takes energy away from taking action, and puts that precious energy into overthinking.
Going down this road will lead you to a dead end. Because here’s the thought this thinking pattern will eventually lead to if left unattended that can kill any dream, goal, or hope:
“I won’t succeed, so I won’t even try.”
This right here is a DREAM KILLER!
And I hate it. I hate seeing when people come to believe that they are not 100% capable of finding a way to get something done.
So when you’re going down this negative self-talk spiral, here’s one thing you can do:
Pause, and reverse your thought so that it is the complete opposite of what you were originally thinking.
Really take the time to turn each word into its opposite, and follow each word as it transforms into a new, more positive sentence.
- “Am I good enough?” turns into… (say this with me slowly) “I am the greatest.”
- “Am I smart enough to do this?” is now “I am the smartest person to do this.”
- “Do I even know what I’m doing?” magically becomes “I always know what I’m doing.”
Remember, a thought is harmless until you believe it.
When you are constantly repeating negative thoughts to yourself, you are literally training yourself to believe in those things. Reversing your thought is a quick way to derail your negative thought process so that those thoughts don’t transform into beliefs.
3. MIND YOUR OWN MIND
Don’t try to come up with other people’s thoughts for them.
Did your coworker not smile at you like she usually does? Did your partner rush out of the door and forget to give you your hug-kiss-I love you-goodbye combo? Did the barista at Starbucks rush through your order and not give you enough time to say you actually wanted a bagel, too?
Before you think that you did something wrong to your coworker, that your partner is mad at you, or that the barista doesn’t want you to have breakfast, remember this:
What others think is none of your business. You, your mind, your reaction, your behavior is all of your business. Anything you can control is your business.
We can’t control what others think of us. How others think is not a reflection of who you are, but who they are. There is no way for you to ever know how someone else thinks – not your boss, partner, mother or dog.
When you catch yourself filling in other peoples’ thoughts for them, stop.
Tell yourself: “There is no way I can possibly know this. There is no way I can find out if this is actually true.”
We all live inside ourselves, and so we interpret the world by placing meanings we are already familiar with onto other peoples’ actions. This is how we make sense of things, but we’ve all experienced times when we discovered that how we originally thought about something turns out to be untrue. No one is a mind reader, so it’s a waste of time putting energy into believing you know how someone else thinks, feels, or the reasoning behind their actions.
4. GO DO SOMETHING!
Most people have a pattern to their anxiety that they repeat over and over. It might look something like this:
The trick is to interrupt this pattern before it reaches the next escalation point. Try to do this before you spiral into many anxious thoughts. This is because when a thought spiral occurs, we are usually acting on a habitual thought progression that we are so used to that it can be very easy to not realize we’re even doing it.
You also want to stop your anxiety before it triggers an emotional response, like fear. Whenever you have an intensely emotional experience, your brain flags that experience as important and will trigger those same emotions whenever you encounter a similar situation.
When I felt myself getting anxious, I would quickly change my state. If I was sitting, I stood up. If I was standing still, I dropped down and did pushups. If I felt myself frowning, I’d force my face to smile.
It might not be possible to do all of these in public, but the point is to just go do something! Go for a brisk walk, strike up a conversation with someone, blast some music. Do anything that changes your external and internal environment to stop the anxiety from escalating.
What you are doing here is taking energy away from feeding into your anxiety and transferring it into something else. Taking that energy away will help reduce the chance of a panic attack.
WHAT I LEARNED AFTER PRACTISING THESE HABITS
The biggest thing I’ve learned after practicing these habits is this:
My mind getting better rests upon my own belief that I am in control.
In the middle of all of your thoughts, you always have a choice in how you let yourself think – about the world, others, yourself. You can choose what thoughts you let in, what you focus on and how you react.
You can chip away at your anxiety until you beat it, one small win at a time.
If you’d like to be in-control of your mind via a signature 8-week program that’s tailored to you, book your free Chemistry Call here.