It's Not Your Fault

You’re not as original as you think you are. Much of you has been pre-programmed. The same instincts as all animals (my professor calls this the ‘3Fs’- flight, fight, fuck). With social animals (the need to belong). With humans (esteem, self-actualisation). Your genes drive much of your personality, body system, etcetera.

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There’s the things that happen to you. The psychologists call it ‘socialisation’. Your family, friends, school, community, religion, ethnicity, nationality, culture, ideas during your formative years (think 70s hippie, 40s post-war, today’s hipster), big events (think wars, crises, prosperity). There’s the things that happened to you, or people close to you. They all shape the filter on how you see the world. They mould the beliefs that direct your mind.

Then your biology and socialisation interact- it starts when you’re a single-cell zygote (see epigenetics). It’s one mindblowing array, scientists still don’t know just how much.

Your choices aren’t really yours

Yes we make choices, but until we have some awareness of what really drives us, those choices aren’t really ours. Which is the most powerful thing to me, that it’s not your fault. Even if you find it hard to believe. Like, you may have realised you’ve ‘taken too much drugs’, but what drove you to do that? It’s not just about what’s happening on the surface. Your choices ingrained your habits, but they didn’t start them. So, no blame.

Pointing fingers = Being stuck as ‘victim’

And it’s not worth going into the ‘it’s our culture’s/parents’/religion’s/friend’s/et cetera’s fault’, otherwise the blame game never ends and too many fingers get pointed. You can see yourself as a victim, but I have a feeling that’s not how you want things to be.

You have a choice now

One of the most powerful things is realising, we have a choice to take responsibility for what happens now. Maybe you’re paying the price for what you’ve done. Perhaps it’s been paid. You don’t need to punish yourself any further. I know, forgiving yourself isn’t easy. You’ll need to be committed to building those muscles and knowing yourself.

As long as you’re alive and breathing, you have that choice. No blame, your new life starts now.