[An interview with DrP on BusinessInsider by Lindsay Dodgson]
Most people are scared of something — unless they’re a psychopath. But not everyone has a crippling fear that leaves them unable to function when they’re triggered by it.
A phobia is an all-consuming, debilitating fear of an object, place, situation, feeling, or thing. According to the NHS, having a phobia is a type of anxiety disorder. When experiencing the fear, symptoms include dizziness, sweating, nausea, shortness of breath, increased heart rate, and shaking. Some people have panic attacks.
People can have phobias of all sorts of things, from spiders to clowns, from heights to enclosed spaces. Sometimes they seem more surreal, such as a fear of peacocks, or the colour yellow.
But whatever it is, you should never laugh at someone else’s phobia, or diminish it in any way, said psychologist Perpetua Neo, who treats people with all sorts of fears.
“The problem is we have little compassion for each other,” she told INSIDER. “And that makes us feel like s— about ourselves that there are things that make us scared, because we compare ourselves and we judge ourselves, and the whole idea of the irrationality behind a phobia is that it can be judged by ourselves and by other people thinking we’re stupid.”
For instance, someone might be petrified of mice, while their friend can pick them up with ease, and cannot understand the irrational fear. Meanwhile, the mouse-handler might be terrified of flying. So we all have our weak spots.
Your brain is in survival mode
When you’re scared, an area in the brain called the amygdala — the fear center — fires up.
“The amygdala is a very primal part of the brain… and is interested in basically helping you to survive,” Neo said. “So when something creates a sense of fear in you, it’s going to light up, and it’s going to go ‘danger, danger, danger,’ so it’s going to activate your fight, flight, or freeze system.”
The fear, for example, could be anything that makes you jump — even a peacock suddenly showing its plumage. Then, as time passes and you have to encounter more peacocks, your fear is reinforced by the fact you might be embarrassed by it. That, and your brain imagines the worst scenarios possible, like the peacock attacking your face.
It’s like looking into a cracked crystal ball, where your future is warped and terrifying. And full of pecking.
Most importantly, said Neo, you shouldn’t compare your own fears to anyone else’s. Everyone’s phobias are specific and irrational, and none should be seen as more ridiculous than the other. And if you’ve been through therapy and beaten your fear, that should never be diminished.
“It doesn’t matter if your friend can grab a mouse off the street and feed it to a python,” she said. “It doesn’t matter. It’s your own fear you’ve conquered and that’s an amazing accomplishment.”
Everyone has something they are scared of, so acknowledge that if you want to help someone. Don't try and act superior to someone with a phobia, simply because you don't have one.
“Stop using that to make yourself feel better,” Neo said. “Think to yourself ‘Am I doing this to dim someone else’s light so I can shine brighter? Or am I saying this because I genuinely want to try and help this person?’ And this will solve a lot of problems.”
Just because you have a phobia doesn’t mean it controls you for life. My clients have overcome all sorts of phobia– from flying phobia to mouse phobia– book your free Chemistry Call here.